He took it great, as I’d predicted, but I think we were both glad to have something in front of us that we could look at while we talked. Crying would have been utter humiliation. It would have been intolerable to tell him face-to-face I almost certainly would have choked up, as I had while telling my mom earlier that day. I still felt icky using the word gay about myself (“I’m … not straight” is what I said). The game also gave us something to focus on, so we wouldn’t have to look each other in the eye. The normalcy of that ritual was comforting to me. Video games were something we always did together-half an hour or so every weeknight. We were playing Spider-Man 3, and somehow, that made it easier.

At the very least, that vision would have to be radically reconfigured once I told him I’d only ever had romantic feelings for other boys. He teaches and shows, you watch and learn, and a vision of your future life emerges, a picture of successful manhood that is in some ways the most cherished thing you and your dad share. Marrying a nice girl and getting her good and pregnant is part of that, just like playing catch in the backyard is. Sons want to be like their fathers-they just do-and fathers want to see their sons become men. I was pretty sure he’d react all right.īut it was still hard, because coming out to your dad is hard.

On social issues, he takes a laissez-faire stance: Live and let live, just don’t hurt anyone. My father is an artist from a family of New York intellectuals. People ask me if it was hard-he’s a political conservative and a Christian, and they wonder if I was afraid he would condemn me. I came out to my dad while we were playing Spider-Man 3 on PlayStation 2.

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